My cat is sad because he once accidentally farted on a bee and still frequently feels genuinely dreadful about it.
My cat is sad because he has found the expense account kept by my other cat, who is a right wing cat politician.
My cat is sad because he is an introvert & an existentialist who endlessly examines what it truly means to be a cat.
My cat is sad because he misunderstood the nature of the website PlentyOfFish & ended up Internet dating by mistake.
My cat is sad because I could only afford to buy one of my cats special cat guitar lessons & chose my other cat, who has much cooler fur.
My cat is sad because I made him burst into tears by telling him to stop buying so many downbeat country rock LPs.
My cat is sad because he called a sexline to cheer himself up but ended up talking about Kafka, Morrissey and angst.
My cat is sad because he just read a Facebook status in which someone wrote “should of” instead of “should have”.
My cat is sad because society often writes him off due to his lack of education and his non-pedigree background.
My cat is sad because he has discovered Kate Moss was lying when she said “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”